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Single life

Find your dating balance

There are two times in your dating cycle where you may notice the joy has gone out of going on dates.

Discontent woman No satisfying date

The first is when you’re getting back into the dating scene after coming out of a long relationship. Dating can then seem very daunting – what will I talk about? How do I act on a date? How will I deal with the other person judging me? Will I enjoy myself? All these questions are very common, so you are definitely not alone in feeling like this. The only way to deal with these issues is to go on more dates.

They don’t even have to be good dates, just informal dates where you sit in front of another person, talking about yourself, listening to the other person talk about themselves and generally going through the motions if you have to, until this seems to you like the perfectly normal activity that it is. Dates give you the opportunity to hear yourself talking about yourself and to learn from others by listening to what they say about themselves.

You can learn a lot about what works and what doesn’t work for you by seeing other people do it. Sometimes, especially at the beginning, you may feel like you have nothing to say about yourself. You may still be thinking about yourself in terms of a part of the couple you were in.

Maybe you feel you don’t have enough interesting topics to talk about. Rather than let that scare you, use this as a learning experience to highlight what you need to change in your own life to make yourself more interesting to yourself, before anyone else. It might take a bit of time to make yourself happy with who you are and what you have, but by realising where you stand and what you need to improve, you’re moving a step closer to getting what you want out of love and life.

The other time when you may feel you’re not so keen on going on dates is if you’ve been doing it a bit too much. Online dating can introduce you to so many people, that you may well end up overdoing it in your quest to get things done quickly. Personally, I love talking about myself, as I’m sure most people do.

But once you’ve gone out on a bunch of dates and told your life story repeatedly to one person after another, you may get bored of hearing it. If that’s the case with you, you may want to take a step back from going on dates. If you’re going on several dates a week, then cut down to once a week, for example, and find other ways to fill your time that would take the focus away from dating and back to making you more interesting to yourself.

You may even wish to take a few weeks off so that your next date will feel fresh and exciting. What many people don’t realise is that even taking a break from dating and working on yourself is a way of working towards the goal of ending up with someone compatible. As long as you keep your ultimate goal in mind, taking a break won’t make you miss out on anything. In fact, getting bored and appearing bored on dates because you’ve been overdoing it, is far more likely to make you miss out on a good thing.

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