I won’t go too much into the subject of the double standards when it comes to dating, but we all know that many women are still afraid of making the first move when it comes to dating, for fear of being branded as sluts and, let’s face it, because no one’s ever taught us how to do it properly. A recent article in the Herald discusses what happens when women hold back from pursuing men they are interested in.
When I am advising people about online dating issues, I get a lot of women telling me they are holding back from making contact online because they feel more comfortable having the man initiate contact. Unfortunately, the world of online dating is such that if you hold back from contacting someone you’re interested in, you may never get the chance to meet them at all. But first let’s talk about the idea that women are not the ones initiating.
In real life, women may well initiate, but they are more likely to do it in subtle ways, rather than walking up to the guy. They may well signal with body language, a look, even by just placing themselves in a strategic spot so the guy can see them. The guy would then subconsciously pick up on the signals and act accordingly.
So when you think about it, it’s not that the woman in a situation like that didn’t make a decision and act on it. It’s just that her actions may not be obvious.
Online dating sites tend to give you options like “winks” and “kisses” to try and simulate these non-verbal signals, but when you think about it, they’re pretty silly things to do. After all, no one would go to the trouble of clicking on a profile and then hitting the “wink” option by accident. You have to think about it and act on it. And if you’re doing that, you may as well say hello. To the women who contact me with their online dating problems I say – make contact! Life is really too short to sit around staring at someone’s profile on your screen without doing anything. I’m happy to report that women are increasingly doing just that, which means the day will come soon enough when no one will think twice about women taking the initiative.