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Are you dooming yourself to a relationship without passion?

A recent survey, sponsored by online sex shop Lovehoney, claims that over a third of women fantasise about sex with their ex.

Smiling couple A good relationship

Now, I don’t know whether women really sit around dreaming about how great sex was with their ex while being in a happy, committed relationship, unless, of course, the sex they’re getting at the time is particularly disappointing. But regardless you buy into the results of this specific survey (which also features a tie-in with 50 Shades of Grey, possibly the most overhyped book of the year), there are two things you can’t deny: 1. maintaining a fulfilling sex life over years while in a long term relationship requires work and 2. most people don’t choose a long term partner based solely on their sexual skills (or if they do, it may well not last as long as they’ve anticipated once the honeymoon period is over).

On the other hand, it does highlight some issues to do with choosing a long term partner. Women especially, are prone to falling into the trap of feeling it has to be either one or the other – either you find some womaniser who’s great in bed but will move on sooner or later or you go for the “frog prince” – the guy who’s a bit boring, but will be there when you need him most, i.e. to raise the kids. When a woman is ready to have children, the dependable man will always win, but if there is no real passion there to begin with, it will be even harder to maintain it later on when work, said kids and life in general get in between

If you’re still looking for love (via online dating or in general) it might help to keep this in mind when choosing a partner. It’s OK to compromise, especially in this day and age when finding someone who ticks all the boxes is not easy. If you’re set on starting a family and have found someone who’s loving, caring and nurturing but doesn’t quite fire you up the way some of your exes did, this could well be the right decision for you. There’s more to life than having the best sex of your life every time you get between the sheets and maintaining such a high standard over years is impossible to do consistently. But make sure you’re not overcompromising in your rush to find the father of your children. Giving up on passion at such an early stage does not bode well for a long term future together.

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