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Jealousy does not equal love

Jealousy does not equal love, you should be free to be yourself in a relationship without fearing for the safety of your relationship.

Jealousy Jealousy  –   © fotolia

There are all kinds of books out there trying to teach women how to land a man. In The Rules, for example, women are taught to play hard to get, based on the assumption that this makes men think the woman is worth more and that the struggle to catch her is what keeps their interest going until they are convinced they want to be with her.

This, unfortunately, creates all kinds of silly mind games where women end up pretending to be otherwise occupied, interested in other guys or even going out with other guys in order to arouse the guy’s interest. But of course, jealousy, being territorial and wanting the woman to be loyal and interested does not actually equal being in love.

Men are territorial by nature, so arousing jealousy can trigger their instinct, making an otherwise indifferent man suddenly appear very emotionally invested. Men who’ve been slow about arranging to meet can suddenly suggest meeting up. Guys who’ve been a bit iffy can suddenly be on their best behaviour, etc..

You may be forgiven for mistaking this sort of behaviour for a sign that your man has realised how much he’s really into you because he thought he was going to lose you, but in many cases, reality is quite different. This is why so many relationships get stuck in this push-pull pattern – The woman acts distant, the man comes running, the woman relaxes and acts interested, the man runs away, the woman acts distant again the man comes back and so on. If you want to know whether someone is really into you, then the best way is to quit playing games. Sure, coming on too strong too soon is a turn off for most people, but you should be free to be yourself in a relationship without fearing for the safety of your relationship.

If the person you’re dating (and this can be either a man or a woman, women can be as guilty of being indecisive and jealous) needs to be manipulated into being interested in you, then they’re probably not the right person for you.

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