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The first date

What difference a character makes

What difference a character makes

When I meet women I just don't seem to be attracted to them. Is it my personality? - Advice for single men: What difference a character makes

Dear Nafsika,

I found my test results both interesting and very accurate. I get on tremendously well with my suggested partners by e-mail and telephone but "face to face" seems to destroy all the previously perceived attraction that I had created. (I am not bad looking by the way).

Could this be anything to do with the fact that until I was about 50 years old I was extrovert and since then I appear to be coming more introvert? If so, do you have any advice on how I can correct this situation?

A point worth mentioning is - I don't think that I have externally shown any grief after the death of my wife last year, although we were happy together for 15 years of marriage.

Any help you can suggest would be more than appreciated.

Thank you in advance.

Michael

 

Dear Michael,

Firstly, I'd say that you shouldn't worry too much about a few dates not leading to second dates, as this is often the case. According to one study, only about 1 in 7 first dates leads to a second date. It's not because you do something wrong that stops somebody from being attracted to you, it's more that on email and on the phone, people built up a kind of fantasy of what the other person is like (it's easy because they don't know that much about them) and the real person turns out not to be quite like they imagined.

I don't think that being an introvert is a problem in itself -it depends on why you think you are becoming more introverted. Do you think that you might be a little depressed? That wouldn't be unusual especially considering that your wife died recently. If that's the case, you may want to consider doing something about it in terms of seeking some support or treatment although it may also pass naturally with time. Or maybe you feel it's the opposite -becoming introverted can also be a sign of confidence and contentment if you feel that your previous extroversion was actually related to trying to meet the expectations of others rather than your own. In terms of attractiveness, introversion is not a problem but depression and lack of confidence can be.

Best Wishes, Nafsika

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