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Specific issues

Dating advice fresh from the puritan 50s

Why you’re not married…yet seems to be yet another one of those books for single women, blaming them for not having a relationship, putting marriage above everything else and painting them as flawed creatures if they’re still single.

Dating advice fresh from the puritan 50s

I can’t believe people are still writing books such as the one mentioned in this article in the Irish Independent. I’ve not read the book myself, but judging by this response, it’s not something that should be read by any woman living in the 21st century.

Why you’re not married…yet seems to be yet another one of those books for single women, blaming them for not having a relationship, putting marriage above everything else and painting them as flawed creatures if they’re still single.

The Independent does a pretty sterling job of ripping this particular book to shreds, so I’ll spare you my own opinion (especially as I’ve not read it), but this is yet another reminder of why it’s so important to remind yourself every day that there’s nothing wrong with being single and there’s nothing wrong with you if you’re a single woman. Here’s a thought for the day. If you see yourself as a broken half, looking for a missing piece to make a whole, then all you’ll be when you find someone is a single person, working together as a team, but also maybe stopping each other from developing as a person. If you view yourself as a complete person, self reliant, whole and happy, then you’ll be looking for another complete person to share your life with. It’s exactly this sort of relationship that’s larger than the sum of its parts, where you’re not fulfilling a certain role in the relationship because your partner won’t or can’t.

Somehow, I don’t think that obsessing over some supposed personality flaw that’s stopping you from living your Cinderella dream is going to foster this sort of personal growth. The world is no longer what it was in the 50s. People’s lives are radically different now and the old models may not be right for everyone. Work on finding out the way you want to live your life and find a relationship model that fits. Don’t try to squeeze yourself into a life that’s not right for you.

Shimrit Elisar is the author of Everyone's Guide to Online Dating, the first UK online dating book. She is an online dating expert and a dating profile advisor who's helped hundreds of people successfully navigate the world of online dating.

Shimrit Elisar Written by Shimrit Elisar
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