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The first date

Top tips for getting to know your new partner

So you’ve met a couple of times, your head is spinning, you’re excited about the next date and the troubles of the world seem like something from another planet.

Top tips for getting to know your new partner

You want to know everything about each other, and it’s fun finding out too. Not only that – it’s a vital part of the process of determining whether this is an enchanting fling, or whether it has the potential to develop into a lasting relationship.

You’ll probably find yourselves almost fighting to tell the next story that connects to their last – try to remember to listen too though. Everybody likes to be listened to, rather than just being allowed to talk – you know, when you’re just nodding and saying “Yes, yes, ah-ha.” Your new partner will soon realise whether you’re actually listening.

From your own side, do your best at being true to yourself, if they’re James Joyce’s biggest fan, but you didn’t make it past the first page of Ulysses it will probably seem easier to fake your love of the old story teller – but you’ll soon be found out. This is a light hearted example, but you can think of more serious extensions of the truth that you may be tempted by if you don’t watch yourself.

There will be things that you really want to know about your partner but that you may be shy of asking. No one wants to ask about an ex, but we all want to know why the last relationship didn’t work. Are there children involved? Financial security? It will be easier to find out such things in those first few meetings than later on.

Know what you need to find out and create opportunities to ask, perhaps by talking about your own position on the subject. If you’re the sort of person who works best from a list do try to remember the points in your head rather than pulling out that list – doing so would scare most people!

Keep it light hearted, but do remember the answers and if something badly clashes with your standards or beliefs you will need to be prepared to face that and discuss the position.

Finding the right partner can transform our lives; just take a little time, or even a lot, to know what really matters to the both of you and understand how compatible you are, and whether you can accept the differences that are likely to exist.

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